just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
