Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
