and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
