And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize