WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I could make wine with my vomit
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
