All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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