My cat gives me a boner
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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