My friends, they love my intelligence
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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