Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
