:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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