She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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