i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
