Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
