I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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