Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
