1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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