I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
