i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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