bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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