After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
