If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
