so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
