shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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