You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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