It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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