This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
