Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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