mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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