What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
