Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
