We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She announced her abortion via fbk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
