I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
