That's intense
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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