me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
