dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
