We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
