he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize