I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize