yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
