how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
