CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is her dick bigger than yours?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
