I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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