Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
