She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
