Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
