can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
