It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
