It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
