I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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