i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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