im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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