what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Couch. On fire.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
