my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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