Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
