I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize