I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can I color on your dick again?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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