why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
