He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
