My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
