I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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