I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
