Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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