I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
