HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
