just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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