Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
