If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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