why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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