i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
