I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
