I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
