having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
