i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
