woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize