Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
