Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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