suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
