i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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