Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
