I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
