I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
