Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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