considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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