So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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