This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You're like the curious george of whores
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
