my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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